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lavoro pubblicato martedì 8 agosto 2017
ultima lettura venerdì 22 giugno 2018

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Day Nine

di Naxele. Letto 212 volte. Dallo scaffale Pensieri

Darling, I understand.I see my mother and father, my sisters and brother struggle with it in their own way. How are they supposed to act when their 21...

Darling, I understand.
I see my mother and father, my sisters and brother struggle with it in their own way.
How are they supposed to act when their 21 year old daughter cannot get out of bed?
How are they supposed to act when their younger sister cannot stop crying?
How are they supposed to act when their older sister does not speak for an entire day?
Darling, Depression is the shadow that follows my every step.
Darling, Depression is the shadow my mother and father, sisters and brother see following my every step.

Depression, she is a sneaky one.
She got into their lives through mine.
Surprisingly, or not, that is what hurts the most.
Seeing them hurt because of me, of her.

You see, darling,
I have accepted her presence in my life.
I have learned that she is part of who I am.
I have recognized the connection between her and my sensitivity.
I have come to be in need of the times where I do not talk to anyone, where I think about everything and nothing, where I feel a pain that belongs to someone else.
I have come to believe she has always been part of me because in those moments, in the moments when everybody only sees a sad girl, I feel in touch with my deep self.

Yet, they cannot help perceiving her as the negative force trying to shut me down.
So, darling,
How do I explain that I would not be me without those moments of sadness, reflection, and introspection? How do I explain that it is in the moments of greater pain and loneliness that I can really see? How do I explain that it is her who allows me to connect to others so deeply? How do I explain that I am who I am because of her? How do I explain that she is not all evil?

I struggle, darling.
I struggle and wonder.
Maybe I do not want to let go of her because I have spent years feeling numb.
Maybe I do not want to let go of her because I have spent years feeling empty.

That numbness that came from too much pain.
That numbness that almost drowned me.
That numbness that woke her up.

How ironic, darling.
It is now her that keeps me floating.
It is now her that keeps me from drowning in a sea of numbness.



Commenti

pubblicato il lunedì 12 marzo 2018
Petty, ha scritto: The way I feel... I completely agree.

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